New Ringer - Adam Gordon

I've known Adam since about 1993. Adam is an "accomplished" sportsman who enjoys playing rugby, tennis and golf. He's run a couple of marathons over the last few years and took park in Tough Mudder on Saturday. One of Adam's main strengths is his unwavering confidence in how own abilities. When I asked him how good he was, he replied with, and I quote, "I'm shit hot" but I reckon Adam would say that about himself for pretty much anything. Here's his self-evaluation:

1. Fitness level, out of five, where 1 is “I'll be dead in five minutes and spend the rest in goals” and 5 is “I shall run all day and track back every time we’re in defence” 
• 3 
2. Skill level, out of five, where 1 is “The ball will likely just bounce of me” and five is “I use both feet with consummate ease and have a fine array of tricks” 
• 3 
3. Passing ability, out of five, where 1 is “You're lucky if I can just get the ball away from my feet!” and five is “I'm all about the one touch, total football” 
• 3 
4. Speed, out of five, where 1 is “I'm more of a long distance runner” and five is “Usain Bolt!” 
• 3 
5. Best position – keeper, defender, defensive midfielder (good distributer), attacking midfielder (goal scorer but not an out and out striker) or striker 
• Attacking midfielder or striker (I think?) 
6. Footballing history – any useful info. Did you play amateur? More of an 11s player? Once had trials for Barcelona? Anything you think might be relevant. 
• I was shit hot at Boughton Primary School, Northamptonshire. I scored a lot of goals with a tennis ball in the playground and then a few with a proper ball when we played other village primary schools. I scored a Hugo Sanchez-style over-head kick in the doggy park when I was 18. I have played once since then. 

So there you go - Adam.